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Archive for the ‘All Things Nursing Related’ Category

**You hope there is a special place in hell for the inventor of the call light.

**You believe that not all patients are annoying…some are dead.

**You believe that the gene pool could use a little chlorine.

**You believe that no matter how much you care…some people are still assholes.

**You believe that PIA (Pain in the ass) is an acceptable admitting diagnosis from ER.

**You don’t mention the name of a frequent flyer so as not to invoke his spirit to bring him/her to the ER and then to your unit.

**When asked “What color is the patients diarrhea or vomit?”…you show the doctor your shoes.

**You can discuss dismemberment over a meal like it is normal.

**You look in your closet and you can’t find anything non-medical to wear.

**You can comfort anxious patients with…”I know just how you feel. It’s my first IV too.”

**When you get a call telling you the name of your next patient you have the care plan done before they get to the floor.

**When called for orders…the MD says…”Write them yourself-you know the patient better than I do.”

**You believe all bleeding stops….EVENTUALLY!

**You believe everybody has to die sometime.

**You ever told a confused patient your name was that of your co-worker and to YELL really loud if they needed help.

**You know it’s a full moon without having to look at the sky.

**You’ve ever held a 14 gauge needle over a patients vein and said…”okay…you’re going to feel a little stick.”

**You believe in the aerial spraying of prozac.

**You have encouraged obnoxious patients to sign out AMA.

**You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.

**You believe every waiting room should have a valium salt-lick.

**You firmly believe that “too stupid to live” should be a diagnosis.

**You have to leave the patient before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.

**You believe a good tape job will fix anything.

**You have your weekends off planned a year in advance.

**You look at the veins of everybody you meet.

**You think a referral to Dr. Kevorkian is totally appropriate in some cases.

**You have ever restrained somebody…and it wasn’t a sexual experience.

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Dear Lord,


Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

and the Wisdom to hide the bodies of those Doctors I had to kill because they pushed me too far…

 

Being A Nurse Means…

 

You will never be bored.

You will always be frustrated.

You will be surrounded by challenges,

So much to do and so little time.

You will carry immense responsibility And limited authority.

You will step into people’s lives

And you will make a difference

Some will bless you,

Some will curse you.

You will see people at their worst

And at their best.

You will never cease to be amazed

At people’s capacity for Love, courage, and endurance.

You will experience resounding triumphs

And devastating failures.

You will cry a lot,

You will laugh a lot,

You will know what it is to be human,

And to be humane.

 

Dedicated to the man I never Knew…

 

As I tend to you, in your death.

I feel I know you, by those you left.

You must have been, a wonderful man.

The strengh and character, of your clan

I see love, deep in their eyes.

The pain they feel is no disquise.

The gentle way , they touch your hand.

As you are drifting, to the promised land.

Your children talked, of being raised.

Respect and devotion, lived at your place.

Grateful to God, they appeared to be.

Happy to be a part of your family.

Your wife’s heart, is beating loud.

Tears well up, her eyes did cloud.

Unable to speak, she begins to cry.

Begging to God, to not let you die.

So you see, my friend, this life is past.

But the values you left, will always last.

Though I never knew you, I know you well.

Your life, your love, their eyes did tell.

 

Regretfully… not all patients survive,

but the love they have given their family will last a lifetime.

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Lord: I know we go through this every day but please give me the knowledge as to why I actually wanted to go to nursing school.

Lord, give me the strength to make it through those boring three hour lectures without falling asleep.

Lord, please give me the patience to make it through twelve hour clinicals with instructors that can’t just give you the right answer and on the same note, give the nurses the ability to remember what it was like to be a student and give us just a little more respect.

Lord, give me the endurance to read all the assigned readings and be able to remember it when I am taking a test with four right answers.

Lord, give my family and friends the ability to realize I really am on the edge of insanity.

Finally, Lord, give me the vision to see that one day I will be a real nurse and I will never have to wear this ugly uniform again.

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